So I did it….
 I did it.
I am not proud of it
But I did it.
For the records,
I was scared, confused, terrified and
Disoriented…
I needed to let someone in…
So I told u…
You, shocked and confused as I was….
Didn’t know what to do.
“Wait”, you said,”don’t do it”.
“Please”.
“Omg!” I retorted
I couldn’t.
“I can’t”….
“They’d kill me”
“Gosh! I can’t disappoint again….”
A few days later….
I told you again…this time a different story…
“Ok”.You said…
Then you withdrew…
Thought probably your withdrawal would be only for a while
But it appeared to be forever…
Then it hit me!
You were angry.
And upset.
 And disappointed at me…..
I get it.
I do…..
I am sorry.
If only you knew how sorry I am….
For the rest of my life
I will be….
Nonetheless you keep adjudicating me….
It’s too much …….
Me living with my culpability and then you judging me…
It’s just too much……
I’ve cried voluminous tears….
Tried so hard to reach to you….but you keep pushing me away.
I do not ask that you make merry of my wrong with me.
I just needed the one friend I used to have.
I needed you to know I live with the guilt.
I needed you not to judge me…
I am not picture-perfect….you aren’t either.

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