#SMWLagos: Excuse me, I’m Nigerian sometimes British.

PS: IF YOU ARE GOING TO READ THIS, MAKE SURE YOU ARE ALONE. I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR GROWN ADULTS MAKING FUNNY FACES WITH THEIR EYELIDS AND LASHES FLYING UPANDAN IN PUBLIC. THANS AND GOD BLESS.
SIGNED,
MGT.

So yea? I attended tha laigos social meidia weeik yesterday eind I mast saeyi, I had aw greit time-ma. weit. (See one of the key pointers I learnt that day is that I need an accent ASAP! Like sharp sharp. Like yesterday. Shout out to the ones that have the real accent yea? Y’all are amazing, but the ones that learnt it here in Nigeria ehn, omo mhen, y’all are the real MVP’s!)
Ok. Let’s get back. Yea?
The social media week from what I heard and what I saw was really cool. I had the time to only attend the last day and I must say, it was a good day. I learnt a couple of new stuff, met new people, saw people from social media platforms.

It was an interesting day.

I met Bizzle o, Bizzle is the Nigerian version of Balleralert, I must say, he is coooooool. He just stood with his hands in his pocket and was just chilling. I liked his demeanor throughout. Unlike some people who…not today, not today.

Debola Lagos is another person I have always wanted to meet. I like how he was just cool like really cool. He made me question so many things that day mhen but left me feeling more determined and refreshed. He was even polite enough to introduce himself, me that just wanted to famz.

As a writer and digital somebody the sessions were useful for me.
To see young people who are also excelling in their various fields gather to share new information is refreshing.

Anyways, enough of my situation report. I need to give you the bigger situation report.

If you are reading this, my brethren, YOU NEED TO GO PICK UP AN ACCENT. ACCENT IS THE NEW COOL. (I think the British accent (the one spoken by the real British o) is really cool and sexy).

Welcome to Lagos, Nigeria where British language is learnt as a skill without going over there, I mean who needs to travel out when you can train yourself.

Research shows that the British accent is needed for social gatherings but now, recent research shows that you have an added advantage if you can speak or mix the US accent and the British accent. You can add a bit of Italian too for special effect.

Accent has been a major political issue for us in this country (I needed to add politics here, my dad might just be reading this) and with the way we are going, future employers would be asking for accent as part of recruiting requirements ( check some radio stations I don’t understand what they are always saying again).

See, I was standing on my own jeje talking to a few people, and next thing I heard ‘uhxcuse mei’. Please join me to roll eyes.

Wait, I understand that proper pronunciation of English words is important but we will know the difference when an accent is involved. Abi?
I understand that some people have lived outside for the most part of their lives. That is not my problem. My problem is you and I that went to Nigerian schools, lectured by Nigerian lecturers and have Nigerian friends who went to the same school with us. Where did we learn this one o? Did I miss out on something while growing up? Did I go to the wrong school or did my teachers dislike me and refused to teach me because mbok I am confused.
How we have allowed ourselves to become fake, petty and mediocre is beyond me.
What happened?
What happened? As in what happened?
Why do we prefer to be who/what we are not?
I know how many times Trey Songz’s stalker (ccimmie this is for you) tried to steal him over but lost him when she took the high road and became half British and half Jamaican. He still came back to me.
We all are chanting change change, made in naija, made it naija. Truth is, I think it starts with you and I. It starts with you and I jor.
Wait o. Speaking good English is important o. In short, very important.
Don’t come to me if you can’t speak good English, pidgin should suffice instead (why is pidgin embarrassing biko? just find a balance na? still gist for another day sha) because Lord Jesus, I’ll will be in shock throughout our conversation. Yes, yes the system is bad but please put in work. Let’s leave that one.

I believe that in a community or gathering of Nigerians; young Nigerians, there shouldn’t be anything but true Nigerianness because it is what makes us unique but when you have a bunch of people who are supposed to be part of you, people who should make you feel at home speaking in a manner that is foreign, see ehn, you cannot come and go and carry last, start speaking your own! one begins to question a lot of things. You should stay true to yourself, because me, at some point I will bite my tongue because I’d be struggling in between being British, American, Igbo and Yoruba and I’d begin to sound really stupid.
Anyways, SMWLagos was fun. Glad I was able to meet and interact with a lot of young Nigerians although, I hoped there would have been people who have been in the game for over thirty years come around because even though we have gone very digital, some parts of traditional advertising (and other ways of doing things) are still relevant, and their immense container (that’s the only word that could come out) of wealth would be very useful.
Anyweis, oi have two gau nau. I’d tok two you laytarr. Maiybe when oi have fully mustard thurrr language.
Bhet untili then (Igbo accent is back),
Peace, love, dictionary and pure water.
©M.chidi.
2016.